Times and Places for Civility and Incivility
As more people wonder whether non-violence is naive, the issue of civility has been raised again. Some folks believe that no matter the offense, we should strive to “go high when they go low.” I have mixed feelings about mandates that lack proper context. We should never feel a need to always do anything — whether that involves being nice or mean. It depends on the situation most times. Too many people want to believe that we can reason with everyone. Such people likely deny the reality of human evil despite evidence in front of them.
Anyone who has been in an extended relationship — personally or professionally — with a sociopath/psychopath/malignant narcissist, eventually comes to the conclusion that some people do not have a conscience and actually enjoy abusing others. They consider themselves superior and feel entitled to inflict harm and violate boundaries, no matter how decent another person has been. Dealings with someone who lacks basic empathy inevitably show they do not respect the rights of others.
So, where does that leave us? Often between a rock and hard place. It can be easy to judge from a distance and think another person did not need to respond harshly to someone. But unless we know details of previous interactions between two people, we really have no idea how deep the wounds someone experienced that resulted in lashing out at their abuser. Beware of the person who usually comes across as innocent with a calm demeanor despite having tortured other people to the point that some become suicidal or homicidal.
Beyond personal examples, we can extend this understanding to the reality of evil happening on political levels. Serious decisions being made by people wielding power in callous ways, severely harm the lives of diverse human beings. Anyone who thinks others should be able to cope with ongoing trauma is out of touch with how fragile anyone can become when beaten or worn down over time. Many people have both personal and extended pain inherited from their own families. Imagine the toll of cumulative indignities imposed across generations on those negatively impacted by systemic racism, sexism and classism.
When people are drowning, it is not realistic — in fact, it may be cruel — to expect them to graciously take the higher road at all times. That does not mean people must be violent (unless self-defense is necessary). Civil disobedience and confrontations to send a message of intolerance against people supporting policies that cause major suffering, may not be the most polite reactions. But, so what? These non-violent options may be the only outlets most people have to prevent being outright destroyed internally and externally, in response to those directly and indirectly involved in systems that create oppressive conditions that cause ongoing pain.
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Two recent new items related to the topic of civility:
1) ‘Schumer and Pelosi Have to Go’: Democratic Leaders Under Fire for Urging ‘Civility’ in Face of Trump’s Vicious Agenda https://www.commondreams.org/…/schumer-and-pelosi-have-go-d…
2) Civility? Tell the Dems we must #BeLikeMaxine http://act.colorofchange.org/sign/Be_like_Maxine/…
